It’s been a rough week. My car broke down. I didn’t even have it for very long, but it was integral to my plot to take over the world. See, I’ve been earning limited funds lately, acting as an in-home caretaker for an elderly family member. And my partner, Zeb, and I really want to buy a house at some nebulous point in the as-near-as-possible future, so we can have a herd of pygmy goats.
Step one: I got this old car up and running, so I could get another job. It was a free car, from a friend of Zeb’s who had it sitting in his driveway for like three years, so I knew it had a limited life span, but last month, I got it running and registered (which was a whoooooooole other nightmare).
And then I got this job, handing out samples at Winco. It was mostly terrible, but also a little bit fun, but they made me wear a black polo shirt and a black baseball cap, so I had some really mixed feelings about it. But it was definitely nice to have that paycheck.
And I have this other job that I do every couple weeks, where I go to events and sell pizza with a mobile pizza company called Krakalen, and I really like that job a lot, even though I’m supposed to wear a black baseball cap there too (although I hardly ever do). Krakalen has been giving me more work, which was nice, because I could drive there, and not have to bum rides from Zeb, or borrow his big-ass truck, which comes complete with ladder racks.
So, because I had a car, I had income coming in, and my savings account was booming, and our goals were starting to look possible. I was setting aside a little bit of money each week toward a new car, but since it had only been a month, I had a grand total of $100. And then Elphaba broke down.
Elphaba was the name of the car. She was named after the witch from Wicked. My thought process was as follows: She’s a Gallant, so I should name her Glinda. But she’s not very Glinda-like; she’s sort of grumpy and unpredictable. More like Elphaba. But she isn’t green. Well, that’s just racist. I don’t want to be the kind of person who names a car because of the color of its paint.” So I named her Elphaba, and if your car isn’t named Elphaba, you’re racist, unless your car is green.
So I applied for a loan through my credit union, but, as I mentioned earlier, my income sucks. Even with the new job, and the extra hours at Krakalen, I don’t look good on paper. So I never heard back, which means I didn’t get it. Why can’t they just tell you that? If you’re approved, they call or email you within a day. If you’re denied, they send you a letter in the mail, while you watch your email like a hawk, and as the hours go by, the dawning realization sinks in that you’re the worst, and no one trusts you, and you might as well just go fall down a well. Much better to get that immediately, and move on.
The way I figure, my options now are to go to one of those scammy Everyone’s Approved!!!! places and pay a lot more money in interest and be broke, or quit my job so I don’t need a car anymore and be broke. So I quit my job at Winco, and I’ll go back to bumming rides to Krakelen when I can, and start looking for a job within walking distance of my house, preferably one that will let me dress like this:
That’s unrealistic. Maybe I should stick to writing.