I have been sick all week – not just tired and sniffly sick, but disgusting, can hardly move, racking coughs, my head turned into a snot factory sick. It started small last Sunday, and I sort of thought it was a hangover, which puzzled me, because I, while I had imbibed a significant number of ciders the day before, it had been very spread out, and I had tempered them with lots of water.
“Oh, well,” I thought. “Fair is fair. I’ll suffer through it.” But then, all day, I waited for it to go away, and it didn’t, which didn’t seem fair at all, because it hadn’t been THAT many ciders. And then I woke up on Monday, and everything was much worse, and that’s when I realized that it wasn’t a hangover at all, and I felt very let down by the Universe. I mean, I don’t mind paying the price for making poor beverage choices, but being actually sick is not okay.
I should mention at this point that I’m really not used to getting sick. I have an excellent immune system, and so I only catch the really bad bugs, and when I catch one, it goes all out. So, while most of the people around me got the sniffles for a few days, I have been laid up for an entire week, and, of course, amid all of this, I read an article about a couple in Mongolia who died of the Plague.
Yes, the actual wiped-out-half-of-Europe-and-a-great-deal-of-Asia-in-the-Middle-Ages Plague. Apparently that’s still a thing.
So, I’m reading this article, and it’s talking about how there are two types of plague, bubonic and pneumonic, and it’s listing the symptoms of pneumonic plague, and of course I have all of them.
Fortunately, I’m not a hypochondriac, and, since I also happened to have all of the symptoms of a common head cold, and live very far away from Mongolia, I didn’t freak out. But it got me thinking.
This article claimed that the plague still exists because it’s being carried by fleas, and every once in a while one of these fleas gets into a populated area, and the plague crops up in a person. But this is clearly nonsense. I mean, obviously, if it wiped out so many people back in the day, if it was still around today, it would obviously just go ahead and wipe us all out again. Right?
So, obviously, what’s happening is time travel. These people in Mongolia went back in time to the Middle Ages, caught plague, came back, and died. My question is, did they mean to time travel? Did they suddenly come upon a portal to the Middle Ages in a cave somewhere? The article said they were hunting marmots or something like that. So, maybe, while hunting, they came across a wormhole to Medieval Times (the era, not the novelty restaurant), caught the Plague, and returned, never even realizing that they’d been away.
OR are they the inventors of time travel, or perhaps even part of a secret time traveling cabal, located deep in the Mongolian mountains? I mean, you’d naturally expect them to be in Tibet, but Mongolia’s relatively close, and maybe they figured they’d throw us off the scent by going a little bit north.
And apparently the plague is always cropping up in Mongolia. So, it seems pretty clear to me: there is either a wormhole to the Middle Ages in Mongolia or a group of time traveling mystics based out of Mongolia who has a bad habit of catching the Plague every time they go to the Middle Ages. The moral of the story? Don’t go to Mongolia or you will almost certainly catch the Plague. Or you might get killed by Genghis Khan. Actually, it’s sort of an either/or thing, because Genghis Khan lived about a century before the Plague hit, but those are the only things I know about Medieval Mongolia. I’m assuming there were also pagodas.