For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been cooped up in anxiety.
Anxiety is always with me, hanging over my head like one of those net-trap things that hang from trees in movies, and if I make a false move, it drops and grabs me, and I’m stuck in it. Wait, those don’t hang, though, do they? They’re on the ground and you step on them and then they scoop you up and then you’re hanging from the tree. What hangs over you? The Sword of Damocles?
Okay. Anxiety is always with me, like an ever-present Sword of Damocles. But how would a sword follow me around? I feel like the net-thing worked as a metaphor, because a net could be really big and hanging all throughout the forest of life or some such thing. But with a sword, it would have to be either really big, in which case it would definitely kill me when it falls, and anxiety isn’t really fatal, so that doesn’t work, or maybe it’s not huge, but it’s just a whoooooole bunch of swords, so there’s always one over my head everywhere I go, but I feel like that would get really expensive for the prop department.
I’m gonna go with a dragon. Dragons are the best metaphor for anything.
Anxiety is always looming, like a dragon flying above me, poised to spit terrifying fireballs at me at any moment. Sometimes it spits sparks and I have little moments where I feel a little bit anxietous and have to put something over my head, and listen to my Uncrazifying Myself playlist and sit by myself for a bit. Sometimes it shoots gigantic spurts of flame, and I can’t really talk to anyone and have to go and sit by myself and listen to my music for a longer time, and then I usually cry, and sometimes I curl up really small and I can’t move for a while. And then every once in a while, the dragon explodes and pieces of it rain down for a few days at a time, and I never know when they’re going to hit me, and how big the scalding hot scales and entrails that hit me will be, and that’s what the past week has been like, with a lot of shaking and crying and panic and not being able to breathe and apocalyptic nightmares.
I’m feeling better now.