I had the craziest dream last night. I mean, I’m kind of prone to crazy dreams, but usually they’re just these run-of-the-mill apocalypse situations; you know, everyone on Earth is dying from the volcanoes or the zombies or the nuclear bombs going off, blah, blah, blah. Last night’s dream, however, was . . . complicated.
So, it started out in St. Louis, which is where I lived from ages 13-28, and where my parents still live. Apparently I was visiting my parents, and had brought along my dog, Chalupa, who may or may not be a Hellhound.
While I was in St. Louis, walking Chalupa, we got held up at gunpoint, which really paints a false stereotype of the city, and I’m not behind it, although at least it was a white guy who did the mugging, so that helps. So, we got held up, and he was all, “Gimme your purse!” And I was all, “No! Go away!” And he was all, “I got a gun!” And I was all, “Oh, yeah? Whatcha gonna do with it?” And he was all, “I’m gonna shoot your dog!” At which point, I was definitely going to give him my purse, because, while I might risk my own life in the whole not-negotiating-with-terrorists mindset, I sure as hell am not going to risk Chalupa’s, even in a dream. But before I could hand it over, he shot her in the hip and ran off! Without even grabbing my purse! And I was all, “Noooooooooooooo!”
So I took her to the vet, and the vet patched her up, and then told me that Chalupa was going to have puppies, and I was all, “No, she isn’t; she’s spayed,” and the vet was all, “Oh, yes, this is very common. When an animal gets shot, even if they’re spayed, they get pregnant.” And I was all, “I don’t think that’s a thing,” and she was all, “Yep. Here’s a cat. Same situation,” and showed me a cat who was nursing newborn kittens and also had a bandage on her hip.
So, I took home a kitten and also Chalupa and then Chalupa had puppies, and here’s where it gets weird. Suddenly, everyone in Zeb’s family was imbued with magical powers, and strongly hinted that it was because of the kitten I had brought home. Some of them were good and some of them were evil, and, unfortunately, it turned out that I was good, but most of my favorite people were evil, and so then we had a gigantic mage war, and I think everyone may have destroyed each other, except then I woke up, and was like, “Whoa. That was weird.”
Chalupa’s puppies were really cute, though.