Just Pretend the Cross is a Skeleton Key

There’s this wall of clocks in my living room.  Let me back up.  I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned before that Zeb and I live at his grandmother’s house.  We moved in to help take care of her a little over a year ago, and now there are all kinds of other people who live there with us, but they don’t enter into the story today.

All you need to know here is that Zeb’s Gram has a wall of clocks on our living room wall.  Exhibit A:

This is also Chalupa’s favorite spot

 

I’ve always liked it, because it feels kind of steampunk to me, and I enjoy steampunk, as a concept (although most examples of the actual literary genre are not great).  Of course, it needs some cogs and skeleton keys in there, but overall, it’s pretty bad-ass, in a very specifically nerdy way that I am 100% sure was not the intention behind it at all.  Up until a couple of weeks ago, none of the clocks worked, which, to me, just added to its charm.

Then, Zeb’s Gram decided they should all tell the correct time, and she started putting new batteries in them.

And it turns out that ALL OF THEM TICK.  They are so loud!  Every time I sit in this room now, it’s like a constant grim reminder of mortality and the passage of time.  In other words, it has gone from being steampunk to goth.  Now, instead of cogs, it needs a pendulum and a shelf with a stuffed raven.

At least the random gold cross among the clocks fits better with the goth theme.  And it’s still delightfully nerdy, but in a very different, still specific way, that I am still 100% sure would just confuse her, if anyone pointed it out.

 

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One is a Crowd

Do you ever find yourself talking to yourself in your head as though you were talking to someone else?  Like, the other day, I was thinking through a minor decision, weighing the options, and I found myself thinking, and I quote, “Well, if I were you-”

And then I stopped short, because I am me, so this was very confusing.  And then I thought, “Oh, crap.  I’m a crazy person.”  And then I started to panic a little, because what if I’m developing multiple personalities, and they’re just sort of starting to talk to each other, and, well, I’m very introverted, and I’m concerned that if there are too many people in my head, none of us will be able to properly recharge, and I’ll just be frazzled and overloaded all the time.

I won’t be able to escape, and it’ll be like I’m at a party all the time, which I realize sounds appealing to a lot of people, but it sounds really awful to me.  I hate parties.  Parties are the worst – manically trying to  make small talk for hours?  No, thank you!

Then again, if they’re in my head, maybe I won’t need to make small talk, because they’ll already know me pretty well, so we can discuss deep, meaningful topics instead.  Or maybe some of the voices will turn out to belong to animals or plants.  I like talking to animals and plants.

The cacti in my head
Image by liqionary from Pixabay

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That Blurry Line ‘Twixt Vampire and Mosquito

The Matrix-port mosquito bite is gone, which means either it was just a mosquito bite, or (more likely) the robots managed to smooth over the glitch that was allowing me to begin the process of waking up.  I’m pretty impressed with myself that I managed to maintain the memory of the glitch, though, because presumably the robots would have tried to suppress that.

I have a new bite, though, on the side of my neck, in exactly the spot a vampire bite would be.  This means one of two possibilities.  Option one is that mosquitoes have evolved to home in on arteries, allowing them to suck more blood from each human, thus enabling them to bite fewer humans and reduce the chances that they’ll get slapped and killed.

Or, and this seems like the likeliest explanation, vampires have evolved to the point that their bites are indistinguishable from those of mosquitoes.  I bet the newest ones don’t even have the pointy teeth – I bet they have a retractable pokey-nosey thing like a mosquito!  I just googled it, and it’s called a proboscis.  SCIENCE!  The new vampires probably have a proboscis instead of fangs.  It retracts into their nose, just like the old-fashioned vampire fangs retract.  And now vampires can bite humans without anybody getting suspicious, because we all just assume it’s a mosquito bite.

We live in terrifying times.

 

This is no longer an accurate representation.
Image by OpenClipart-Vectors from Pixabay

 

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